The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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