And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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