PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
