i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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