I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
