Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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