and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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