quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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