I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
