i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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