I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
