I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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