You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
