The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
