im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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