I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize