there's paper in my vomit.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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