haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
