If i come over, it means nothing
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
