I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
