yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
