Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i've created a new STD.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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