question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
