weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
