Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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