PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize