he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
