The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
