I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
