Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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