I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize