is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He did a backflip because drugs
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
