How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
