i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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