Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm getting married
To pizza
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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