david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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