Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she smelled like a LAN party
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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