I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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