You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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