I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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