I need help removing her.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
