you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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