Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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