you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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