He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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