Please, let me fuck your mom
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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