I'm going to jail i love you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
