So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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