dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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