Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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