Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
