i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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