she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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