this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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