She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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