its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize