I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
