Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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