hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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