I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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