the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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