i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
