His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
