Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
