You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
