True but thats because hes a fetus.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
