Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
