she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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