Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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