i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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